That I need to let go of the feeling of productivity
So many of the times when I got core things done, and even when I got the most things done, where when I didn’t feel it. I had grown addicted to the cramming sessions before exams from school, or the homework assignments, where I would sit down for a few hours with things to do, and get up from my chair when they were done.
So much of self-help literature is geared towards that. Authors telling you to do more deep work. That a state of flow is the ideal. That so and so stimulants or practices or routines will be the unlock to the productivity you seek.
But the truth is, we have no idea. The core engine is not something to be optimized. Once it’s running, sure, you can tweak 5% here or 4% there. But the heart of it, the inner, knows what’s necessary and whether it wants to do it or not. And often - since school, almost always - the conscious is so slow in catching up that the big moments don’t feel that big at all.